Jen, this is beautiful. As a nurse who has seen many people die alone, it is so precious that you gave your aunt a good death, where she was seen and beloved even in the brokenness. A good death is a theme I've been meditating on lately, and it is encouraging to see your writing about it here.
Thanks again for opening your journal for us to share the rawness of life’s emotions. What a honor for you to be chosen to walk her into the arms of Jesus…bruised and broken, for complete healing! It’s a broken world…grateful for a Savior that understands! Keep writing! We all are blessed!!!
It seems wrong to tell you this was well-written. Of course it was! But wow. I don't read many letters that surge into my inbox. Perhaps "deathbed" caught my intrigue. I worried it was yours. I thought, Surely she's not penning a letter to us on her deathbed. I had to know. Great words, especially as I process something I must forgive. Thank you.
I feel conflicted about this! I have my great-aunt's journals, someone who was very, very special to me, and I absolutely treasure them. I can see that some private thoughts would bring pain - but I wonder if that pain would be offset if readers could also see the inner wrestling?
Jen, I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for this tender and nuanced exploration of grief and all its ancillary emotions. I certainly have folks I need to forgive, and this was a gentle nudge in that direction.
“Forgiveness is the greatest reality of the Christian faith…” Thank you for calling out this truth. Sitting vigil is an honorable choice. I offer my sympathies on your loss.
Jen, this is an authentic, tender glimpse into the complexity of family relationships. I always appreciate you sharing the struggles, it's so human with room for grace. I've been at the bedside, watched the last breath of a complicated family member. It's weighty brushing up against the veil with someone not so endearing. Grateful to you always for entrusting us with parts of your story, so well written. Honestly, your words minister to my heart, thank you so much! Stopping to pray for you today.
I was recently able to be with my older sister as she left this world. I’m so grateful that God gave me this opportunity. I wasn’t there when my mom or dad died, tho I tried to get there. But my sister’s passing was indeed a hard process. Not because she was my sister but because the past couple of years much drama had transpired between us and my younger sister. My sister that died had been caring for my intellectually disabled brother for 17 years after our mom died. The death of her husband and her ensuing health issues led us to have to legally remove him from her care. It was a very complicated situation and she would not allow us to help her, so in many ways we had no choice. Our family is a family that holds grudges, at least my older sister, but I finally decided to reach out to her and call her and offer apologies, not for what I needed to do but for how I did it. We hadn’t talked for months because of angry words and texts. We ended restored. Thankfully as she lay taking her lasts breaths, I was able to thank her for all she had done for our brother and for the good life she had given him when she was able. My niece asked me to sing at her funeral and I sang How great thou art. I hadn’t sung solo in many many years, but God filled me with his spirit and people said they had never heard anything more beautiful. It was a gift I could give her despite the mess of the whole thing.
Jen, this is beautiful. As a nurse who has seen many people die alone, it is so precious that you gave your aunt a good death, where she was seen and beloved even in the brokenness. A good death is a theme I've been meditating on lately, and it is encouraging to see your writing about it here.
I was certainly thinking a lot about the medieval tradition of a good death. I hope to do more writing on that!
I'm full of awe over this one, Jen.
Friend, thank you. You know how much I treasure you.
I do, I do, I do! xx
Thanks again for opening your journal for us to share the rawness of life’s emotions. What a honor for you to be chosen to walk her into the arms of Jesus…bruised and broken, for complete healing! It’s a broken world…grateful for a Savior that understands! Keep writing! We all are blessed!!!
Paula, I'm so grateful you read and constantly encourage me to keep writing. Thank you!
Thanks for your honesty. Families can be so broken and painful. Even a glimpse of something redemptive is beautiful
You're welcome. Redemption indeed!
It seems wrong to tell you this was well-written. Of course it was! But wow. I don't read many letters that surge into my inbox. Perhaps "deathbed" caught my intrigue. I worried it was yours. I thought, Surely she's not penning a letter to us on her deathbed. I had to know. Great words, especially as I process something I must forgive. Thank you.
Oh goodness, sorry for that scare! It didn’t occur to me some people might think the deathbed was mine!
Such a powerful post, thank you for sharing this with us Jen. Will be praying for you as you continue to process and navigate your familial dynamics.
Thanks for your prayers, Steve!
Just beautiful, Jen. Thanks for writing it.
Thanks so much, Steve!
I wonder about those who demand that their journals are destroyed after their death. I would want mine to be as well, I think.
I feel conflicted about this! I have my great-aunt's journals, someone who was very, very special to me, and I absolutely treasure them. I can see that some private thoughts would bring pain - but I wonder if that pain would be offset if readers could also see the inner wrestling?
there is a particularly racy theology rumor that cannot be settled bc of the destruction of correspondence
Interesting. . . . say more!
Karl Barth had a mistress/secretary who was very publicly present in his life and work. Apparently many wrote to him to urge him to stop this, but we do not have these correspondences. I'd sell anything I own for them! More here: https://www.christiancentury.org/review/books/karl-barth-s-affair-charlotte-von-kirschbaum-wasn-t-only-major-conflict-behind-his
Ok yes, I had heard of this! Thanks for sending this link to this article!
i am one of the only people i know who likes Barth *more* for these indiscretions
Jen, I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for this tender and nuanced exploration of grief and all its ancillary emotions. I certainly have folks I need to forgive, and this was a gentle nudge in that direction.
May God grant all the necessary grace!
Beautifully written. My heart is overwhelmed reading this! Thank you!
Praise God!
This is beautiful, Jen. Thank you.
Thanks be to God!
Oh, Jen. Thank you for this.
You’re welcome! Thanks for reading!
This is so tender, Jen. Thank you for sharing this. It speaks to me as I consider some painful, unhealed relationships. I’m sorry for your loss.
Praying that God makes a way for repair, Kris!
“Forgiveness is the greatest reality of the Christian faith…” Thank you for calling out this truth. Sitting vigil is an honorable choice. I offer my sympathies on your loss.
Thank you, Angela!
Jen, this is an authentic, tender glimpse into the complexity of family relationships. I always appreciate you sharing the struggles, it's so human with room for grace. I've been at the bedside, watched the last breath of a complicated family member. It's weighty brushing up against the veil with someone not so endearing. Grateful to you always for entrusting us with parts of your story, so well written. Honestly, your words minister to my heart, thank you so much! Stopping to pray for you today.
Appreciate your prayers, Kathleen!
I was recently able to be with my older sister as she left this world. I’m so grateful that God gave me this opportunity. I wasn’t there when my mom or dad died, tho I tried to get there. But my sister’s passing was indeed a hard process. Not because she was my sister but because the past couple of years much drama had transpired between us and my younger sister. My sister that died had been caring for my intellectually disabled brother for 17 years after our mom died. The death of her husband and her ensuing health issues led us to have to legally remove him from her care. It was a very complicated situation and she would not allow us to help her, so in many ways we had no choice. Our family is a family that holds grudges, at least my older sister, but I finally decided to reach out to her and call her and offer apologies, not for what I needed to do but for how I did it. We hadn’t talked for months because of angry words and texts. We ended restored. Thankfully as she lay taking her lasts breaths, I was able to thank her for all she had done for our brother and for the good life she had given him when she was able. My niece asked me to sing at her funeral and I sang How great thou art. I hadn’t sung solo in many many years, but God filled me with his spirit and people said they had never heard anything more beautiful. It was a gift I could give her despite the mess of the whole thing.
Your words just reminded me of it all over